i know it probably seems odd to follow months of updates about returning to india, road tripping through new mexico, a visit to memphis, and catching up with cousins in boston with a missive about all the things going wrong in my life, but that’s the way of the internet sometimes. yes, i’ve had some incredible trips and made a lot of great memories and know how lucky and privileged i am to have these experiences. at the same time, i am also struggling to keep it together on a day-to-day basis. both things can be true. and while i don’t often share these kinds of updates on here, it helps me to use this space to process and also every once in a while it’s good to keep it real.

but we should always start with the good, yes? the good is that i’m healthy. i have family and friends who love and support me and who show up for me in countless ways. i live in one of the greatest cities on earth and have a million opportunities for entertainment at my doorstep. in the first three months of this year i have gone on four trips, reconnected with old friends, seen new landscapes, and had a great time doing it. i’ve slowly gotten back into running and have been putting my apartment together.

at the same time, there’s been a lot happening behind the scenes, too. in mid-january i was let go from my job during a mass layoff due to financial difficulties at the organization. someone [pretty sure it was a yellow cab] hit my car while it was parked on the street and drove off without leaving a note, which added a lot of extra hoops in terms of filing an insurance claim. i had a romantic relationship i was really excited and hopeful about that ended before it really had the chance to get started but that left me hurt and depressed and shook my confidence badly. the last of those was the main catalyst for my memphis trip — i was mending a hurt heart and needed my mother.

each of those on their own are frustrating, but having all three compounded at once made any additional setbacks feel that much more monumental. the chain on my favorite necklace broke? normally a minor inconvenience but now seemingly insurmountable to deal with. having to file my taxes? tedious at best, but soul-crushing with everything else going on. the amount of paperwork involved in filing for unemployment made me feel like i was drowning. add in long calls with insurance agents to repeat the car story multiple times over since there are a lot of details i don’t know. also i need to find a new job but kind of don’t know what i want to do. and sometimes there are days when i don’t want to get out of bed.

so yes. while there have been some great stories to share from the first quarter of 2024, there are also reminders that life is going to throw you curveballs. i gave myself the better part of march to take care of myself, to do what i had the energy for but not push myself when i needed rest. my family and friends took care of me, making sure i had food and company and got out of the house and checking in via text and phone.

and thanks to all of them, i have slowly begun to re-engage. to re-establish a workout routine. to get back to exploring new york. to doubling down on my job search so i can stay here a few more years. to planning trips with friends. to getting back to all the things that make me, me.

here’s to giving ourselves rest when we need it, and here’s to new beginnings when we’re ready for them.

xx